Unreal

You know when you hear news about something that happens to someone and you feel so bad for them, but then you think it will never happen to you, and then when it does happen to you it just feels so unreal? Well, that feeling overcame me this week.

 About a month ago my Mom was on the computer and I walked in the room (she was reading e-mails) and she said there was an e-mail from my uncle saying that his granddaughter (my cousins daughter) had a miscarriage at 11 weeks. I felt so bad for her, I thought wow, 11 weeks, she was so close to being done with her first trimester.

Well all of last week I was having some complications, but it didn't get bad until Wednesday/Thursday. So Thursday I went in to see the Dr. at 9 weeks and was told I was having a miscarriage. I was in so much pain I just wanted the pain to go away before I could process what was happening. So the Dr performed a D&C and then I rested awhile so I could try to feel better, I didn't but went home anyway. It was a miserable day full of pain, nausea, throwing up, and sleep. I couldn't keep anything down because of the pain meds. It was hard for me to hear Keith tell anyone or see it written down in a text. My sister arranged dinner and had help from my other sisters, my two nieces (12 & 8) also stayed the night and the next day to help with Carson since Keith & my Mom both had to go out of town. My sweet 8 year old niece wrote me a get well card and I just bawled when I read it. I was so grateful for the support from my family. 

It's still hard for me to process what really happened Thursday, especially since I really, honestly thought with the timing of how it happened that this baby was truly meant to come in January. Prayer has helped, and knowing that the Lord always has a plan for everything. A plan bigger than my own, better than my own. I probably don't understand now why it happened, but maybe after this life. It's still hard, I'd be lying if I said I was fine, but I'm recovering and getting better physically and emotionally. My Mom had two miscarriages and it really helped talking to her about it. She had some insightful thoughts and we had some good discussions. 

Guess these are all my thoughts for now. It's hard writing about it but it helps some.

But we did get some good news on Friday. I will share with you in a future post.